My Druggie
by Dr. Divinity Cohen
Summary: A patient at Sacred Heart brings about memories from Dr. Cox proving that he and JD aren't as different as he once thought. Rated for language, also it's my first Scrubs fic so please be kind
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs, I really wish I did, but I don't...but if I did, oh, if I did...

Author's Note: This is my first Scrubs fic, this chapter may be a little bit slow, but remember it is an introductory chapter, so it has to be, this is just to get some readers!  
And as a Just So You Know:  
_When it's like this it is a JD fantasy  
**When it is like this it is a Dr. Cox flashback**_

And to answer questions before they get asked, the female patient is in no way related to Dr. Cox. She's just to move the story along. Also, this is Not Slash!

Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1

There was an IV dripping onto the floor, remnants of food sliding down the wall, and a small, shivering blonde sitting on the bed. Dr. Cox and I each look on with a similar expression. Dr. Cox flipped the girls chart closed and looked back to me.

"They found her on the street, excessive drug use. They want us to keep her here through the withdrawal period."

"They?"

"Her family," he hurriedly said. "Unfortunantely a case like hers will require almost constant attention and I've already got a full patient load."

There was something strange about that statement, I knew that even an excessive drug use patient wouldn't call for that much attention. Something about this girl was starting to seem a little bit strange.

"So what's going to happen to her?"

"Kelso realizes we're keeping her here and no one's footing the bill and she gets kicked out to die on the streets." Dr. Cox caught the look of horror cross my face. "Or, newbie, you hand off half of your patient load and watch her while I feed Kelso some bullshit story that she's the daughter of someone famous. Your choice."

_I'm on stage with two giant doors standing next to Chuck Woolery. Flashing lights scream out "Choose Her Fate!" One door reads Sudden Death, the other says Option B._

"I'll take Option B, Chuck."

"What? Nevermind. I'll go give Barbie your cases, and Skipper..." I look up. "How about you go reattatch her IV, you've always been good at finding people's veins."

I chose to ignore the quip that I decided meant I got under his skin. Before I went in there was something still hanging at the edge of my mind.

"Dr. Cox, if her family brought her here, why are we sneaking around Kelso?"

"Because I lied," he said, walking away. "I did."

* * *

Elliot bounced happily down the hallway, letting nothing dampen her chipper mood. Not even the blood stains on her scrubs, not even the bruise on her forehead from tripping in the break room.

"Someone's happy today," Carla said, unable to hide a smirk from the bouncing girl.

"I'm off in an hour, I'm off in an hour." Elliot sang, doing a little dance.

"No, Elliot," Carla grimaced, covering her eyes. "White girls don't dance."

Elliot stopped and smiled. "Doesn't matter, I'm off in an hour, I've got the easiest patients today, nothing can get me down!"

The sound of whistling tore through the halls. "Barbie!" called the voice of Dr. Cox. Carla could actually see Elliot's spirit dropping. "I got a special job for you."

Elliot smiled and perked up. "Yeah?"

"You get to take half of Lucy's patients today."

"Lucy?"

"He means Bambi," Carla interjected.

"Bambi?"

"I mean JD," Dr. Cox said with the role of his eyes. "Oh my God, can't things ever be done easily with you people?" He began wandering off, still rambling to himself. Elliot stood absolutely still for awhile as though willing herself not to cry.

"Elliot, breathe!" Carla said suddenly, snapping Elliot out of it.

"I was going to be off in an hour," she whispered. "I'm going to kill JD!"

* * *

"Hi, I'm Doctor Dorian, your...well...Doctor," I said, once more stumbling across an introduction. The girl gave me a raised eyebrow look.

"You want to try that again?" She asked, her voice dead and sarcastic.

"Yeah, I'm JD," I said. "And you?"

"Jace...I guess you can say Jacey."

_Somewhere in the hospital Dr. Cox is seen saying "There's two of him" before his head explodes._

Well, Jacey," I say, trying not to laugh, and partly wishing I had thought of it myself. "If you'll hand me that IV we can hook you back up here."

Jace gave me an annoyed glare. "Only if you've got something better pumping through that needle.

* * *

Dr Cox stood outside the hospital room staring in at his intern, or as he liked to think of the boy, his apprentice. Dr. Cox could remember a time years in the past when he was in the Newbie's spot, an intern fresh out of Med School.

**_"Hola Perry!" came the shout of the new interns first friend, a young Latina nurse who started the same day he had._**

**_"Carla, shh!" The young man shouted. He had long curly hair and a young confidence filled face, the only emotion breaking through the surface was the fear of starting his new job._**

**_"Don't you Shh me, Perry," she said, offering the man a hug._**

**_"It's PC, not Perry," he said, receiving a raised eyebrow in return. "Oh, come on Carla, how would you feel if you were named Perry Cox."_**

**_"Fine, Pea-Sea," Carla said, overly emphasizing each letter. "But you know they'll find out sooner or later during your rounds."_**

**_"Not if I don't respond they won't."_**

**_"You cocky bas-" Carla was cut off by an interruption from the current, soon-to-be retired chief of medicine, Dr. Morris._**

_**"Aw, our new kids have already made friends, great. **Great,**" he said, leaving Carla and PC confused as to whether or not he was being sarcastic. "Now if it's alright with you two I'd say we should all get to workin', don't want to crowd the hallway."**_

**_The doctor wandered off, humming to himself while Carla and PC tried to decide if they had been scolded or commended._**

**_"That man's been in the strangest mood since they found him a replacement, he finally gets that retirement check," came the voice of Nurse Roberts, a nurse who had been working for the hospital for far to long._**

**_"I guess it could be worse," Carla said. "I heard that the hospital across town has Satan for their chief. Some guy named Kelso."_**

**_A beeper sounded and PC grabbed his pager. "I've got to get to rounds! See ya' Carla!"_**

**_"Have fun on your first day!"_**

Dr. Cox snapped from his flashback just in time to watch the girl throw a swift back hand newbie's way and watching the man hit the floor. The girl on the bed tore her IV from her arm again and Dr. Cox rolled his eyes before walking in to save the weaker man.

* * *

Author's Rant:  
So there is chapter 1, chapter 2 should be up shortly since I've already got most of it written. Hope you like it, please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own this, so please don't sue!

Author's Note: For the first time ever I have every intention of finishing a fanfic, and this is indeed, my friends, that fanfic! Enjoy!

Chapter 2

After being hit over the head with what I would later tell people was something strong and metal, not at all a frail, teenage girl's hand, I could feel myself laying behind the nurses station with Laverne and Carla hovering over me, passing snide comments.

"...not the first time..."

"...needs a helmet..."

"I'm awake you know!" I shout, instantly wishing I hadn't, a sharp pain shooting right between my eyes.

"Aw, Bambi, don't move, I'll get you an ice pack." Carla said, walking towards the fridge under the desk. "What did you do to make that girl hit you so hard?"

"I told her if she ate more she wouldn't look as dead," I honestly answered. I've really got to practice that whole thinking before speaking thing. I wonder how much of my life would be better had I thought first.

_I see myself standing once more in the girl's hospital room. In my head I say the eating comment, out loud I say the eating comment. Once more I end up unconscious on the floor._

Yeah, probably not much.

Something cold pressed to my forehead and I saw Carla leaning over me. "There Bambi, is there anything else I could do to make you feel better?"

_Take off your top. _"Take off your top." _Dammit!_

As if from nowhere The Todd appeared, gasping for breathe. "Did I hear something about stripping?"

If looks could kill, Carla would've been sending me to autopsy right about now. "Don't make me give you another head injury, moron."

As if from nowhere Dr. Cox appeared. "Did I hear something about injuring Susie, because if I did please let me find my baseball bat and get a good whack in myself."

_There's a glass case with the words "In case of JD, break glass." Dr. Cox punches through and pulls a big stick out. I'm hanging from the ceiling like a pinata._

"Nice shiner there, Marilyn." Dr. Cox says, looking at my eye. "You're going to have to put some makeup on it and tell everyone you walked into a door."

I pulled myself up and looked into the leg of Carla's chair. Sure enough, a faint purple swelling was beginning to appear around it. "Good right hook," I whispered.

I could see Dr. Cox once again hovering around me, preparing one of his classic pep talks.

_I'm in a boxing ring, sitting in the corner while Jace gives me a sneer from the other side. Dr. Cox pours water over my head while saying things like "don't go down in the first round, it's just one hit, you can take her."_

Back to reality, "get your sorry ass off the floor and go in there to help your patient."

So much for encouraging pep talk.

* * *

Elliot was a mess, her hair was frizzed up, there were vomit stains coating her scrubs, and she was pretty sure she had been sexually harrassed by two of the patients. The angry feelings towards JD had all but subsided. 

"Hey Turk, you seen JD?"

"Nah, been in surgery all day. You will never believe what we pulled out of this guys..."

"Turk!" Elliot shrieked. "Look, if you see him, let me know."

"Sure, wait..." Turk said with suspicion. "Why do you need him?"

Elliot was to busy walking away while cracking her knuckles to notice. Turk took a quick mental note to warn JD the next time he saw him.

* * *

I walked back into Jace's room, catching instantly the laughter in her eyes. 

"I've got a great base you can cover that with, but you never know, it could make you look _dead_."

I laughed sarcastically before picking up the IV to once more reattatch it. She held her arm out to me as if it were a sign of peace. Finally I could start making progress.

* * *

"Deja vu?" Carla asked Dr. Cox as JD went back to the room.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he lief, knowing full well what Carla was talking about.

* * *

**_PC stood next to Dr. Elias in front of a big room that held just one patient, a young man with spiked hair that had been badly bleached so that brown still showed under it. His face was pale and sunken as though he hadn't eaten in weeks, it was one of the many images to come over the next few weeks that would haunt the intern his whole life._**

**_"They found him overdosed on the streets. Dr. Morris agreed to let us keep him here for his own safety," Dr. Elias said. "We get a lot of cases like these, Perry, but his one seems different to me." Dr. Elias closed his chart and pushed it into PC's hands. "I think you should take this one."_**

**_"Me?" PC said, jumping a little. "Why?"_**

_**"Because you're the only doctor here that I think could make a difference."**_

_**

* * *

**_

_**"Hi, I'm Dr. Cox," PC said, sounding much more professional than he felt.**_

_**"John," the patient said, making eye contact and holding it. PC could see what Dr. Elias was talking about, a spark. It was haunting in a strange sort of way, like there was a different person buried beneath it. "Can you do something about this IV, it's itching like nothing else."**_

_**The man held his arm out and PC could feel a wave of nausea rush over him. He had never seen track marks before, and this guy had enough to pass for someone sleeping on a bed of nails.**_

_**"You'll get used to it," he said, trying not to look into John's eyes. "A lot of patients have complained of the same thing, don't worry."**_

_**The patients fingers wrapped around the IV, never breaking eye contact with PC. "I don't think I can get used to it," he slowly but gently pulled the needle from his arm with such precision he could have passed for the doctor. A small line of blood came from his arm and he applied pressure around it, still holding his mocking gaze.**_

_**"Now," John said smoothly. "I think you're going to let me leave."**_

_**"What?"**_

_**PC could feel the man's fist connecting to his face before he fell to the ground, watching the man make his way to the door. Something strange happened in that moment. The man stopped as if something was going through his mind before Dr. Elias came by, pushing him back into the room and pulling PC out.**_

_**"Quite a shiner there," he said. "Looks like we've got a lot of work to do with that one."**_

_**

* * *

**_

I came out of her room with a lot more confidence than the day before. This time she had actually given me an easy time. Well, technically she impersonated a comatose while I was around, not moving or speaking. Girls and their hormones.

"That one's a firecracker!" I said, giving her a lot more credit than she deserved.

"Well," Dr. Cox said, surprising me. "Looks like we've got a lot of work to do with that one."

* * *

Author's Rant: Well, there's chapter 2, read review and all that jazz. Chapter 3 should be up soon, I'm working on it as I type...okay...so that was an exaggeration, but I am working on it!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I still own nothing

Author's Note:  
This really isn't my favorite chapter, it's just my "let's move things along so I can get to Chapter 4, the interesting chapter" So I apologize for out-of-character moments, it's based more on an emotional episode stand-point than on the comedy ones.

This chapter goes out to my readers, Pink-Charmed-One, Meaghayne, Lili, Cori, and saltoftheearth, I love you guys.

Chapter 3

"I used to like music," Jace said, finally opening up to me. I sat in the chair next to her bed, giving her someone to talk to. She had been here for three days now, which seemed to be all the time it took for her to miss casual conversation.

_A timer appeared in the corner of the room with 2 days 23 hours 59 minutes and 59 seconds. When the last second ticks Jace's eyes open and she starts to quickly talk to JD._

"I had this little silver CD player that I used to carry around with me everywhere," she said, sighing with the memory.

"What happened to it?"

"Sold it, along with the CD's. Two more weeks of mind-numbing bliss."

This would become the kind of day I would both love and hate. I liked having her open up to me, let me know what was wrong, what was right, what she missed, what she hated. But then came her bad days, the days where she threw things, screamed, cried. The days where I was forced back into the reality that she was my patient, not just my friend, my patient with a potentially serious problem.

A problem that Dr. Cox seemed to think that only I could fix.

"As much as I'd _love_ to help you, newbie, I've got work on my own. Now you may want to get yourself back in there and stop her, she's trying to get through the window."

I ran to the room and pulled her from the window, where she turned from beating her fists on the pane to onto me. With each hit they became weaker until she was tied out and started weeping against my scrubs.

"I cracked it, I was almost out," she wept.

"Yeah," I lied. "You almost beat the system."

* * *

Elliot rounded the corner on her third day since getting doubled patient loads. She had yet to come across JD, since none of their patient visits seemed to coincide anymore. She couldn't help but think her was intentionally avoiding her. 

"I knew I shouldn't have told Turk, he probably warned him."

Elliot walked to the nurses station and fell over the table, exhaling happily at finally being off her feet.

"Bad day?" Carla asked. Elliot laughed sarcastically. "Anything I can do to help?"

"Yeah, point me in the direction of JD."

Elliot was amazed when she saw Carla pointing at a room. She pulled herself off the table and walked to the door, stopping abruptly as she glimpsed him through the window, sitting on the ground cradling a frail, crying patient.

"Oh," she said, instantly feeling horrible.

"Dr. Cox specially requested JD to watch her, you didn't know?" Carla said, shocked. "Yeah, it's supposed to be a learning exercise or something."

Elliot sank back onto the table, feeling a horrible nausea wash over her for having wished plague and death on the boy. "I should get back to my patients..."

* * *

Admittedly I'm not the strongest person here. Elliot has kicked my ass a few times, even, I'm not afraid to admit it. That was how I knew that when I lifted the girl after she fell asleep, there was something really wrong. 

"I think we should attatch a feeding tube," I told Dr. Cox. "It's obvious she hasn't been and doesn't plan on eating what we've given her by herself."

"Could you lift her?" Dr. Cox asked while considering my request.

"Yeah."

"Then we do have a problem, I'll try to arrange it." I nodded and grabbed one of my other patients charts. Something stopped me in my tracks. Dr. Cox had grabbed my shoulder to turn me to face him. "JD, you have to understand something."

Something was wrong, her never used my real name before.

"We aren't sure she wants to get better, not all patients who come here can leave here. Don't go killing yourself over this one."

Part of me could understand what he'd been telling me, I could remember an old woman I had tried helping not long before who felt ready to go, but the rest of my couldn't quite comprehend what was being said to me, not about her, she was young, she wasn't ready.

"She does want to get better!" I snapped, uncharacteristically losing my temper with him. "What person wouldn't want to get over that? Why would you give me a patient if you didn't expect me to help her?" Dr. Cox didn't get his usual look of anger when I raise my voice, instead something flashed across his eyes that I didn't recognize from him. Familiarity, maybe. At that moment I didn't care, I was more angry at him than I'd ever been. "If you thought that she was going to die, why would you bring her here?"

I'd struck a chord with him that time. The anger found it's way into his face, but I didn't care. I turned to walk away before he got the chance to yell.

Today has just not been my day.

* * *

Dr. Cox let out an annoyed sigh and leaned against the nurses station. Carla poked her head up and sat on the counter next to him. 

"I know why you brought her here," she said.

"Oh really? Amaze me."

"You thought that she would be the same as that guy, you wanted to help another one, since you don't know what happened to him." Dr. Cox's eyes widened, Carla was dead on and he hadn't even thought of that.

"But she isn't him," he said slowly. "She doesn't have the spark."

* * *

_**A clock flew past PC's head followed by a wave of angry profanities, the second set that day. He inched his way from the room, sorry that he had tried anything.**_

_**"Walking out on your patient?" Dr. Elias asked him. PC jumped nearly a foot into the air.**_

_**"No, I just..." Carla cast him a look from behind the nurses station that made him want to tell the truth. "Yeah, I guess I was."**_

_**"Reason?"**_

_**PC let it all go in that moment. "I don't get why you would give me a patient like this, there are so many other doctors and interns in here, why did you have to choose me?"**_

_**Dr. Elias shrugged. "I don't know, I guess it could be because you looked at me funny while I was having a bad day, or maybe you rubbed me the wrong way and I thought 'let's scrw him over, it'll be fun.' " PC stood still, unsure of whether or not the man was being serious. "Or maybe it's because I think you're a strong doctor who can handle a patient like this, did you ever think of that?"**_

_**PC shook his head, feeling ashamed.**_

_**"That's why you're just an intern, and I'm the doctor," he said, frustrated. Dr. Elias closed one of his patients charts and began to walk away.**_

**_"Oh, and Perry," he said. PC looked up and caught the other doctors knowing smile. "You may want to get back in there. Your patient is trying to climb out the window."_**

**_

* * *

_**

Author's Note:  
And that's Chapter 3, I promise Chapter 4 will be better. It should be up next week, I just have to get back into the habit of writing more each day.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I still own nothing

Author's Note: Here's chapter 4, I think I'm the most proud of this intro out of any of my chapters so far, it's the first real time I try writing Turk's character (harder than I thought.) Chapter 5 has already been written, so it shall be up soon. Read on! And please, remember to review.

Chapter 4

Everytime I raise my voice at Dr. Cox I can't help but feel this rush of guilt, especially knowing that he could be right. There was only one person I knew I could turn to in this situation.

"What's up my brother from another mother?"

"Hey Jizzle Dizzle, what brings you through surgery today?"

"I gotta ask you something, Turk." I said, and we went to the waiting room chairs. "Turk, how do you do it?"

Turk stared at me for a moment. "Well, JD, when a man and woman are very much in love..."

"No, not that," I said quickly. "The whole 'not getting attatched to your patients' thing. Like right now, you still have some guys blood on your scrubs and you don't seem to care. How do you do that?"

"Because I can't," he responded. "When a patient is on that table he could live or die, regardless of how good a job I do. I mean, I care about the patients, but if I get to know them it could jeopardize the surgery, my career, even their life.

"But you, you're a doctor. You're name tag even says 'care-giver'."

"Oh, but that's just because I used Carla's glitter pen to write it," I said, flashing where I had written 'JD, care-giver, doctor extraordinare.'

"Forget about that, you have to care is what I'm saying. You just can't start seeing the patient as someone that they aren't."

In that moment I realized what I would have to do.

* * *

"Dr. Cox, I want you to take this patient," I said, all but throwing the chart at him. He stared me down for a moment. 

"No."

_Careful JD, now is not the time to ramble, don't cry, focus..._

"ButDrCoxifIhavetokeepthispatientIthinkI'mgoingtobecomeattatched  
andit'llputherlifeindangerandIdon'twantto..."

"Dear God, Barbara," he said, interrupting me. "Breathe."

I took a deep, unintentionally exaggerated breathe.

"Good girl. Now I want you to answer two questions for me. One, are you seriously attempting to abandon **your **patient on me."

I sighed. "I didn't think of it as abandoning."

"Exactly, you didn't think. Because you know something, I can guarantee that that is what she'll see it as when I have to walk in and tell her sorry, but your doctor was to incompetent to keep you. I'll be seein' ya in the morgue."

I groaned, taking back the chart and waving it at him once.

"And before you go, I have one more question, Jill."

"What is that?"

"What the _hell_ did you do to your badge?"

I looked at the gold glitter and back at Dr. Cox. "It's glitter pen, good day to you sir."

* * *

"Say it," Carla said to Dr. Cox. 

"He-is-such-a-girl!" He groaned back at her. "Why do the weird ones always cling to me, no offense Carla."

"None taken, but watch it."

The two shared an awkward laugh.

"Do I have to remind you, Per, that you used to be basically the same kid?"

"Please Carla, for the love of all things good and holy, don't."

* * *

**_"You're late," barked the voice of the new chief-of-medicine, Bob Kelso. PC looked at his shoes and mumbled something about traffic. Dr. Elias rounded the corner, his mood much different from when Dr. Morris was still around._**

**_"Look, Bobbo," he said. "Back off my intern, I told him when to be here and he's here on time by my watch. So you can go back to your comfortable, high-and-mighty chief's office because you haven't earned enough respect down here to keep your brownie points in a level where we'll let you yell at us."_**

**_Dr. Kelso looked as though a vessel in his head might pop, which there was no better place for that to happen than the hospital. "Very well, just don't do it again." They watched Dr. Kelso walk back into his office slamming the door._**

**_"You're late, Perry," Dr. Elias said._**

**_"I'm sorry, sir."_**

**_"No problem, follow me." Dr. Elias walked towards the patients room. John was sitting on his bed, frantically talking into the phone. "He's been hallucinating most of the night. He was singing into his clock earlier, now he's talking on the phone with a nurse under the impression that he's delivering a James Bond style coded message. What do you think we should do with him?"_**

**_"CAT scan to look for possible drug induced brain damage?"_**

**_"Right, if it were still Dr. Morris here, that will never fly with this jackass. The best advice I can think would be to have you stay here and disconnect the phone. That poor Nurse Espinoza has been listening to him all night."_**

**_"I'll get on it," PC said, happy to help out Carla._**

**_"And Perry," Dr. Elias shouted. "When Kelso asks where I am, just say I'm with a patient."_**

**_"Where will you be?"_**

_**"I'm setting up the CAT scan."**_

_**

* * *

**_

_I'm walking into a boxing ring surrounded by cheering fans. Clapping sarcastically across from me is Jace, who pounds her fists together, shouting "ready for round two?"_

"What?" I say, snapping out of it. Jace raised an eyebrow.

"I said are you ready for round two? I figured I had chased you away last night," she said, not even trying to suppress her chuckle.

"Me? Run away, never." Jace smiled and I realized that there was something I should talk to her about, something that would make things between the two of us so much easier.

"Jace, we need to talk..."

* * *

Author's Rant:  
Dun dun dun, what is he talking about? Only I know...and the select few who have beta'd me on this, but suspense! 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Still no own-age

Author's Note: So this is the chapter that will either answer all of your questions or bring about more, guess which! I'm almost completely finished with the written copy (I'm through chapter 8 of 10) now I just have to transfer them here for all to see!

Chapter 5

I sat at the foot of Jace's bed holding a box of photographs from my past. She sat next to me staring a hole with her wide, sunken eyes. I shuffled the pictures around until they were in chronological order before I began thumbing through them.

"This was me at sixteen," I said, pulling a picture of myself with a big, forced smile, showing off my braces. "My parents had just divorced and my dad left, I wouldn't hear from him again for eight years. My brother had opted to take the GED and drop out, all of the family pressure was on me."

"You look sad," she said, running a finger down the picture.

_The room is engulfed in purple smoke, Jace is a psychic looking into a crystal ball. "Your picture was taken on a Tuesday, it was raining. Your brother was making funny faces at you."_

_"What else do you see?"_

_She looks at me with clouded eyes. "You will die next Thursday..."_

"Nooo!" I yelled. Jace looked at me, surprised.

"You weren't sad?"

"No, no, I was. Just a little day dream is all." I said, covering well before pulling out another picture of myself.

"Seventeen?" She asked.

"Yeah. I just had a skin graft on my forehead from where my brother wrote on me. My mom stayed to herself most of the time, and I started to let my grades slip." Jace stared into the photo, recognizing the look in the eyes. I sighed and pulled the last photo out.

"Eighteen," I said. The picture looked nothing like me. The hair was a platinum blonde with some brown shining through, my eyes were sunken and bloodshot, and I had lost so much weight I could've passed for one of those anorexic super models. In the picture I was sitting on a rock outside of my house trying to look thoughtful, or I may have been in a haze, I can't remember much from then.

"What happened?" She whispered. "No, strike that. I know."

"Yeah, I just don't want to see it happen to anyone else."

Jace quietly stared at the picture and I waited for her response. "Show me your arms," she said suddenly.

"Wha...no!" I pulled back, suddenly feeling very self conscious. Nobody had ever seen the marks, or if they did I called them freckles. Not even Turk and we'd been friends for years. I had no intent of letting this girl that close.

Before I could stop her though she had pulled my sleeve up my arm and was admiring the tiny pink scars. She ran her finger down a line of them and a chill shot up my spine.

"These are perfect," she whispered. "On a vein every time."

I pulled back, pulling my sleeve down in the process. I didn't like how proud she sounded, I knew I sure wasn't. "Yeah, but I'm not proud of it, I am proud that I got better, just like I know you will."

Jace smiled and grabbed my scrub top. "Maybe I don't want to get better." Her hand found its way behind my neck and she pulled her weight on top of me, planting a firm kiss against my mouth.

It took my mind a second to process and push her off. She pouted and went back to her bed. "I thought you were fun."

"I, uh, have other patients," I lied, turning to run away.

"Dr. Dorian, wait!" She shouted. I reluctantly turned back to her. "Do you think you could find my photo album for me? I can write you the address."

"Sure," I agreed, taking the paper from her. I couldn't quite tell, but I could've sworn that after I left the room, a smile creeped across her face.

* * *

"And who do we have in here?" Dr. Cox said as he followed Carla into a group patients room with four stunning girls.

"They work at the strip club over by the Forest Gate apartment complex. Apparently a male customer tried to crash the stage and the floor collapsed," Carla said, barely trying to hide her contempt for the girls.

"My favorite kinds of patients." Dr. Cox said, putting on his stethoscope to listen to the girls heart (translation: stare at the girls chest.) "And your name is?"

The girl giggled. "Candy."

Dr. Cox stood up. Carla cast him a look of recognition. "It was nice to meet you girls, but we must be going."

Dr. Cox stormed from the room and Carla chased after him. "Perry, you know it isn't the same girl. It's impossible, she's gone."

"I know that Carla," he groaned. "It's just weird is all."

* * *

**_"So I had a question for ya' Cock." John said while PC took his vitals._**

**_"It's Cox, but what?"_**

**_"These phones dial out? I need to call my chick." PC shook his head but tossed the man his cell. "Thanks."_**

**_PC sat in the chair after completing the check so he could wait for his phone._**

**_"Hey Man, is Candy around?...What?...How could she OD?...I told you to watch her!...Which hospital?...Sacred Heart, thanks..." John tossed the phone back to PC. "My girl, Candy, should be around here."_**

**_PC got where he was going with that. "I'll go check. Carla, can you finish up in here?"_**

**_Carla walked in the room nervously. The man on the bed winked at her._**

**_

* * *

_**

**_PC slowly walked back and Carla glared._**

_**"**Your** druggie in there just tried to get up on me!" She shouted. "Now I know I may be hot, but that's no excuse. From now on you take care of that one on your own."**_

**_"I don't think I can do that, Carla," he said solemnly. "His girlfriend is dead."_**

**_

* * *

_**

I walked down the dark street I hadn't seen in years. There were murmers all around me and faint distant memories coating the air. I didn't like the feeling.

I rounded the corner to the alley she gave me directions to. Lying in a big pile of garbage was a yellow photo album. I bent over to pick it up and heard a voice behind me.

"Well, well, well. It's about time you came back to us, Johnny Boy."

* * *

Author's Rant: Please review me, I live off of them.  
Hope you liked it and that it didn't confuse you to much!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Boy do I wish I owned this, but I don't

Author's Note: Chapter 6! I've written through chapter 8, I'm just taking my sweet time uploading them, just kidding, this was the first chance I've gotten to be online. Once I rewrite my screwed up Chapter 9 I'll get better at posting them. Hope you like this one. This was the one I was looking forward to writing.

Chapter 6

I walked back into the hospital, still shaking from my earlier encounter, praying that no one would walk into me. My hand repeatedly fell back into my pocket, making sure it hadn't fallen out. I turned to my locker and placed my jacket in the top, tucking the sleeve into the pocket so it was certain to stay put.

I took a deep breathe and put her photo album under my arm before walking towards her room. I placed my hand on the door and instantly felt one of my shoulder.

"I didn't do it, it's not mine!" I shouted.

"Good God, newbie, quite with the fantasies and pay attention to your surroundings," Dr. Cox said. "She's sleeping, so just get in and get back out."

I nodded and silently snuck into her room, placing the photo album on the bed stand.

"So did he give it to you?" She asked, her eyelids popping open. "My Man, did he give it to you?"

"Oh, yeah, the photo album is next to your bed," I said, she jumped up, moving faster than I'd ever seen her move.

"Not what I was talking about."

* * *

**_PC groaned and walked towards John's door, not even a little bit prepared to deliver the news that he knew he had to._**

**_"Hold up there, Per," Dr. Elias said. "Are you sure you're ready to do this?" _**

**_PC nodded, walking into the room._**

**_"So how is she?" The man said, jumping up. "Can I see her?"_**

**_PC sat at the edge of the bed. "Well, John, I'm afraid we have some bad news." _**

**_"I don't get what you're talking about."_**

**_

* * *

_**

I backed away towards the door, but she followed, her eyes wide, her hand twitching slightly. "Jace, I don't know what you're talking about."

She grabbed my arm. "I think you do, where is it?"

* * *

**_"No!" John screamed, standing from the bed and grabbing his hair. "She's not dead, she can't be dead!"_**

**_"I'm really sorry..." PC tried to say but was cut off._**

**_"It was you, wasn't it? You're so goddamned incompetent that you probably couldn't even save an ant from the sun. God!" He screamed, completely falling apart before the interns eyes._**

**_Within moments a new look appeared in the man's eyes and PC caught the silvery shine of a scalpel that had gone missing only days before._**

**_It only took a moment before he realized just how serious things had become.

* * *

_**

I tried to pull from her grasp but I couldn't manage it. She had the hunger in her eyes, she needed it and nothing could stop her.

"Jace, you've got to calm down, you're better than this!" I frantically said. It wasn't much longer after that that she got me into a choke hold with the sharp end of a missing scalpel pressed into my throat.

* * *

**_PC fought against the grip of the man, but rage and sadness had gotten the better of him. Blood from both parties in the struggle lingered on PC's srubs and he could already feel the first wave of nausea hitting him._**

**_"Ever hear of an eye for an eye?" The man asked, flipping PC into a choke hold, placing the blood drenched end of the scalpel to his throat._**

**_Outside of the room Dr. Elias got his first look at what was going on._**

**_

* * *

_**

Dr. Cox watched in horror as everything unfurled in front of his eyes. One moment she was asleep and innocent, the next she was armed and dangerous. Time had seemed to slow. Around him he could hear Carla scream, Elliot sob, and his own feet hitting the tile.

He was running to JD's rescue and hadn't even realized it.

* * *

I prayed to everything I could thinkof, and I'm not religious. I knew it had already cut into me, yet I was in such a shock I couldn't feel a thing. She was saying something, I just couldn't hear her.

Carla was outside. I could see her talking on the phone. My heart tells me to wave but my mind says no sudden moves. Elliot is out there, she seems like she's hyperventilating. It must be Mr. Dohan again, he likes to feel up pretty girls, and me for some reason...

The door flys open and reality hits me, the can see through the glass. Dr. Cox is in the room, I'm in so much pain I feel like I'm going to die, there's a knife in my throat, and I think I'm going to pass out...

* * *

**_The door flew open and Dr. Elias ran in. John backed into the wall, tightening his grip._**

**_"He killed her, I'll kill him!" He screamed._**

**_Dr. Elias held his hands out. "Let's talk about this, John, it doesn't have to be this way."_**

**_"No! He killed her, he killed my girlfriend."_**

**_PC tried to shake his head, but the grip was to tight._**

**_"He didn't," the other doctor said. "I did."_**

**_John's breathe became jagged and confused. He screamed and threw the scalpel, releasing PC before retreating to a corner in the back of the room and breaking into hysterics._**

**_

* * *

_**

Dr. Cox rushed into the room and could see his intern in her arms, unconscious and bleeding, but breathing none-the-less.

"Jace, let him go," he said. The girl shook her head, sinking the blade deeper into his throat.

"He's hiding something from me," she said. "If you can find it I'll give him back. He's trying to steal my stash."

"You're talking crazy, Jace. JD is better than that."

Jace smiled at him. "If you say so."

And she pulled the blade across his neck, throwing him to the floor.

* * *

**_PC crawled over to where Dr. Elias had been. His mentor was lying on the ground with a pool of blood._**

**_A scalpel was sticking from his jugular._**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Still no own-age

Author's Note: Woot-ness, another chapter up! And guess what, I have a new one shot that I'll post soon about the Janitor's squirrel army, ought to be funny! And sorry that this is a short chapter, lots of conversations.

Chapter 7

I woke up in a white room with the chest of a beautiful nurse pressed tightly against my face. This could easily have been heaven. Well...

_I'm sitting in a room of candy next to Turk, we both have big wings. Carla and Elliot are there, only they're not wearing anything. A loud speaker announces "Dr Cox requests JD for his daily hug."_

So not quite heaven...

"Carla," I gasp. "Enough hugging, you're choking me."

Carla smiled and let go. "I'm sorry Bambi, I'm just so happy you're okay. Never do that again, okay?"

"I wasn't planning on it."

"My turn!" Elliot said. Instantly I was being choked by chest again. If I have to die someday, I hope it's like this.

"Ladies, ladies, that is quite enough for now," I said, waving my hands. Turk stood behind the girls, looking sad. "Aw, get over here chocolate bear!"

Carla rolled her eyes. "I'll leave you love birds to talk."

* * *

Carla walked into the hallway and saw Dr. Cox leaning on the wall. 

"Too familiar?"

"Not familiar enough," he groaned.

"She's a different person, a different story, it's not going to happen like last time."

"No, if it did I would've been the one in the bed."

"You would've been in the morgue."

Dr. Cox slid down the wall to the floor and Carla sat next to him. "He asked to change patients and I wouldn't let him."

"Don't blame yourself."

"I can't help but..."

* * *

"Feelin' alright man?" Turk asked. I nodded, which hurt. 

"Wanna see the stitches?"

"Hells yeah!" I pulled the bandage down and heard Turk make a half grossed out, half excited noise. "Looks painful."

"Not when you're as tough as I am." Turk looked skeptical.

"You cried didn't you?"

_"Give me the painkillers now!" I cried, sounding like a pregnant woman._

"Of course not."

"Right..." Turk rolled his eyes. He knows me to well.

"So, dude, I started thinking back to college..."

"The weird years?" He groaned.

"Yeah, so I was wondering...have I changed since then?"

Turk started thinking, I could tell because he was doing his "memories" dance. He does have a lot of dances.

"Yeah, definently. You haven't thrown anything at me in a long time, and you've stopped the random screaming of swears."

"Did I ever tell you what was going on?"

"I figured it was stress, we all had it pretty bad, I'm sure I was pretty beastly too."

I shook my head and rolled my arm over. "Look at these."

Turk stared. "Oh..."

* * *

**_Perry came back to the hospital a changed man. He seemed quieter, which worried Carla._**

**_"PC, what's wrong?" She asked._**

**_"It's Perry," he said, catching her off guard. "Do you have my charts?"_**

**_Carla reluctantly handed one to him. He took one look and gave it back._**

**_"No, I'm not going back into that room."_**

**_"P, I mean, Perry, you have to. Dr. Elias would've..." He put a hand to her lip._**

**_"Don't even finish it. I know he would've wanted me to, but I can't. I can't see that...that...that monster, he isn't even a patient to me anymore."_**

**_"Perry, don't. As soon as you start thinking that way you can't go back."_**

**_"Well maybe I don't want to..."_**

**_

* * *

_**

Turk sat in the chair next to me, taking it all in. "So, your fantasies..."

"Basically hallucinations."

"Whoa..."

"Yeah," I said, wishing there was more being said in the room.

"Have you told Cox? Maybe he wouldn't have made you be around that patient."

"I can't tell him," I said, sitting up so fast the IV in my arm tugged painfully. "I wouldn't want him to think lowly of me."

"You don't anymore, right?"

"Of course not," I said, guiltily remembering my jacket. "I OD'd and ended up in some hospital, after that I knew I needed to quit. I wish I could thank that doctor, he really helped me out. Sort of why I became a doctor in the first place."

"Really explains a lot," Turk said.

There was an awkward pause, one of the few in our entire friendship. It made me nervous about whether he could still accept me as a friend.

"I wish I could have some of those hallucinations."

I smiled. It seems like things will be alright after all.

* * *

"Give me Jace's chart," Dr. Cox said to Carla. "I'm taking JD off this case."

"Shouldn't you talk to him about this?"

"He wanted off of it weekes ago and I was to stubborn. I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to be around her."

"JD is not you, Perry." Carla said. Dr. Cox sighed and walked away.

"But he's damn close..."

* * *

Author's Rant: So yes, it's a short chapter, so sue me...actually don't...I'm broke...Besides, that means I'm getting closer to posting the next chapter!!!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I no own, you no sue

Author's Note: So here is Chapter 8, yep. It sure is Chapter 8...unh huh...So, people should really read my squirrel story, maybe it will make you smile, because this fan fic sure won't.

Chapter 8

It was my first day back at the hospital after the incident. I had become pretty much the most popular young doctor in the building. The story had spread like a fire through a dry leaves factory. I decided against wearing the bandage over my stitches, I felt like seeing the looks of disgust from the women and awe from the men.

"Hey, Carlita," I said, trying a new nickname which seemed to not work. "Can I see Jace's chart?"

Carla's eyes widened and she started to mutter something. Dr. Cox appeared behind her holding my patients chart.

"I've taken it, you told me you didn't want her anymore."

"But that was weeks ago..." I mumbled. This was the last thing I needed, not getting my patient because Dr. Cox thought I was to weak to handle her.

"Look, kid, it's nothing against you." Yeah, right, translation: It's everything against you. "I just don't feel that you can be unbiased in her treatment anymore."

I was speechless, I was also aware that I was being stared at from every direction. I wanted to tell him he was wrong, I wanted to tell him that I knew I was to blame for what had happened, but I couldn't.

"I'm sorry, Bambi," Carla said softly. "I know how much you wanted to help."

* * *

As I sat in the lobby allowing Turk to play "connect the track marks" I couldn't help but wonder why Dr. Cox couldn't just out and tell me that he didn't think I could handle her. He's never had that problem before.

"Trade me arms," Turk said.

I knew what I should've done, I should've stood up to him, I should've told him that I wasn't ready to let go of that patient.

"Excuse me, do you know where visitors go in?" Asked a man, he was dressed much nicer than most visitors to come into our quaint little hospital and he held himself like a man of power. "I heard my sister has been in here for a few weeks. Jace Connor?"

I stood, causing an aggravated sigh from Turk. I pulled my sleeves back down to hide the frighteningly accurate picture of Rowdy he'd managed.

"I'm Ms. Connor's doctor, actually. If you follow me I'll take you to her."

* * *

I stood outside her door smiling. Her brother, Mansfeld Connor, sat at the foot of her bed talking. From the look on her face I could only assume he was scolding her, but then he gave her a stuffed bear and her glare disappeared. Dr. Cox came over next to me with his arms folded.

"Her brother," I said, breaking the silence. Dr. Cox nodded.

"Jot this down in your diary, cause it is one of the last time's you'll hear me say it. I'm sorry I took your patient."

My eyes widened as I stared at him.

"It's not that you're a weak doctor, anything but. I just didn't want to see a repeat of what happened. Do you understand?" I nodded. "Good, that's why I'm still going to keep her in my patient load, you're back on with your old batches."

I watched him walk away and I watched Jace smile as her brother left. I would never get to make a big difference in her life as my doctor did in mine.

Damn...

* * *

**_"I'm sorry," John said to Carla. "About, well, everything."_**

**_Carla continued her usual jobs, not making eye contact. "I know."_**

**_"I just freaked out a little. She was my everything and these drugs took her away. I want to get better, nurse, I really do."_**

**_Carla's jaw tightened and she could feel herself welling up at the pain in his voice. "I know."_**

**_"I want my old doctor back, I want to fix this," he continued with. "I wasn't in my right mind when I did that."_**

**_"I know."_**

**_John threw his head back against his pillow and groaned. "I'm ready to get better."_**

**_Carla smiled and turned to leave the room, a tear rolling down her cheek. "I know."_**

**_

* * *

_**

**_"Perry, please!" Carla cried out to the man. He continued ignoring her while adding notes to a chart. "At least look in on him, say something to him."_**

**_Perry turned to Carla. "You want me to say something to him? Fine." _**

**_He stormed towards John's room with Carla behind him, constantly shouting stop and no. He threw the door open, making the man jump, and he hugged his chart tightly to his chest to the stop the shaking._**

**_"It seems to me, Johnny boy, that right now you've only got two choices left. You can get better and do something with your life or you can sit in that bed as the murderer you are and die here. Either way while you sit in this room you are nothing. You are nothing to me, nothing to her, nothing to anyone."_**

**_Perry slammed the chart back into Carla's hands before he stormed out of the room._**

**_"There, I said something."_**

**_

* * *

_**

"You okay?" Elliot asked, watching me watching Jace.

"Yeah, I just lost my moment..."

* * *

Author's Rant: There's Chapter 8, Chapter 9 should be up by Sunday, Monday at the latest.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I no own

Author's Note: PLEASE READ  
Okay, now that I have your attention, my computer is a piece of...well...you know, and it isn't sending me your reviews, so if you have anything you'd like to say or any questions, please email them to me at la.vie.boheme at hot mail . com (take out the spaces and piece it together, you can figure that out, right? and yes, those are supposed to be dots.) Now here's Chapter 9, sorry about how long it took, I had to work all weekend.

Also, this chapter is based off of a song, if you can guess before I post the final chapter you'll win an email five (like the Todd, so also include your email address along with your guess) Also, this is the only chapter to not have any first person POV in it, that was in fact intentional.

Now read and review my little reviewing readers!

Chapter 9

Dr. Cox stared through the window of Jace's room, amazed at how clean it had become over night. His shift had ended hours before but he couldn't bring himself to leave yet. He had to wait for the kid to get back.

JD rounded the corner, not even changed for work yet. He had a batch of pictures in his hand that Dr. Cox could only assume he was hoping to share with the patient. Dr. Cox had one that had been found under the girls pillow that he figured must have been special to her.

"Newbie," he shouted down the hallway. "Break room, now. We need to talk."

JD looked nervous as he turned into the room. Dr. Cox followed and sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs. JD stood in front of him.

"So, what's up?" Dr. Cox groaned, this was the hard part.

"Sit down, it's just a talk." JD sat and cast his mentor a smile, Dr. Cox tried to return it but was sure it looked more like a grimace than anything. A shadow from the window cast the doctor in a dark light he was, adding years to his appearance that had surfaced over night. JD noticed nothing, or he didn't show it, but Dr. Cox knew it was there.

"JD, there were some complications last night..."

Time seemed to stop in the room. JD knew what he was talking about before Dr. Cox got a chance to say anything. He took off from the room, making a quick left turn to get to Jace's room faster. Dr. Cox stayed in the doorway, watching the other man collapse to the ground.

It was an eerie silence as JD cried at the other end of the hall, partly out of the pain of losing this patient that was so closely connected to his own life, and partly out of the fear that years ago it could've been him.

And Dr. Cox still stood in that doorway, watching, and wondering why he had stayed.

* * *

Somwhere along the lines he had messed up, he just couldn't figure out where. She had been more than a patient to him, she was him. He couldn't help but wonder the same questions that always tagged along with Death. Was she alone when it happened? Was she angry? Was she scared? Was she in pain? 

Why did he go home that night...

* * *

"Oh my God," Dr. Cox heard Carla gasp as she turned into the hallway. She started to walk towards JD but Dr. Cox stopped her. 

"Carla, he needs to be alone right now."

Carla's firey latin attitude began to show itself. "Is that always your answer to everything, Perry? Let the person suffer alone? Just because you can survive with all of that pent up doesn't mean everyone can. I'm going over there..."

"Carla," he said, a little more harshly. "Jace died last night."

The girl stopped in her tracks. "You should go talk to him..."

Dr. Cox shook his head but the girl pushed on. "That's what he'll want, believe me on this, I know best in times like these."

"I don't think I can," he replied. "I don't want to seem like I'm berating him this soon."

"Perry, you aren't just breaking his defenses nad you aren't playing Mr. Innocent, you're just helping. I know you know more about him than I do, whether you'll admit it or not, he'll open up to you. Let him."

"I've told you before, Carla," Dr. Cox said, firmly standing his ground. "I don't do emotion, I never have, never can, and never will."

Carla sighed. "It's your choice."

She turned into the break room, leaving the halls empty except for the two. Dr. Cox help his head and took a deep breathe, looking to the ceiling.

"God, why this girl?" He whispered. "Why can't you just give me a break!"

* * *

"JD," Dr. Cox said, draping an arm around the mans shoulder. "JD, it's not your fault, it's no ones fault but her own. I warned you..." 

JD looked into Dr. Cox's eyes, his own red with tears and anger. "That's what you think?" He said, his voice slowly rising. "She's dead and you blame her? Don't fucking touch me!" He threw Dr. Cox's hand from his shoulder. Dr. Cox quieted and let him yell. Anger was, after all, a stage of death. JD stood and began to quickly walk away, trying to lose himself in the corridors of the building, praying that no one would see him crying.

"John, stop!" Dr. Cox shouted, using his first name and first name only for the first time. JD turned back around, breathing heavily.

"Dr. Cox, it is my fault," he said, leaning against the wall to hold himself up, letting the emotional flood gates open. "She knew I used to use drugs and she tricked me into getting them for her, but I didn't, I didn't give them to her, I swear. It's in my locker, I'll give them to the authorities, I'll confess everything."

Dr. Cox stoof there in silence, the pieces finally falling together.

"But I'm not like that anymore, I swear," he said, tears falling from the corners of his eyes. "I stopped years ago, I wanted to get better, and I wanted her to get better like I did, and I just want everything to stop hurting. I don't want to feel like this anymore, Dr. Cox, I can't."

JD fell to the ground and layed his head against the wall in a pose that set off an alarm in Dr. Cox's mind, a man destroyed by the loss of a woman. He pulled the picture of the sickly blonde man from his pocket, hi mind finally connecting the two.

Dr. Cox lifted JD and began walking him toward the door. "Come on, JD," he said. "We're going to give you a couple of days off." JD nodded, wiping his face. "Go to the waiting room, you aren't driving hom like this."

Dr. Cox turned into the break room and saw Carla sitting there. He smirked at her, the closest he could muster to a smile.

"Did you talk to him?" She asked. He smiled.

"Yeah, and I thought you'd like to know as well..." Dr. Cox smiled finally, for the first time since they found the girls body. "John is doing just fine."

* * *

Author's Rant: So that's the end of Chapter 9, one more chapter left to post and I'll have that up TOMORROW!!!! (I promise this time!)  
Be sure to email me thoughts and feelings along with your reviews (that way I know I'll actually get them.) I hope this has answered some of your questions. Chapter 10 should somewhat sum things up. (Never know, I may be planning to sequel you guys, hint hint) 


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I finally don't own

Author's Note: So, despite my wishes to keep this final portion secret until I was absolutely sure whether or not there would be a sequel, since I have made the decision I realized I must post the final chapter. If you want to know the yes or no on the sequel decision read my final author's rant of this fic at the end!

Chapter 10

I sat on Jace's bed for the first time in three days. I still was on leave from work, but I couldn't be away for any longer I wasn't going to come to terms with any of this unless I faced it head on.

Dr. Cox was outside talking to Carla, I hadn't said anything to him since that day and he hadn't said anything to me. I took a deep breathe and closed my eyes. A new weight was added to the bed that startled me back into consciousness.

"Are you really ready to know what happened?" Dr. Cox asked. I nodded, part of me not wanting to know, but the other part ready to accept the truth.

"There never was a Mansfeld Connor," he said. "It was her dealer, he snuck in." I was confused. He had seemed so genuine, and the bear...

Dr. Cox pulled a bear with its back split open from the night stand. "They hid it in here and injected it into her IV cord...I think you can figure out the rest."

I was horrified. "They let an air bubble in..." Dr. Cox nodded and I felt ill. "I let him through..."

"I would have too, it was an honest mistake."

It was terrible, it was something that I had always feared happening. Every person who saw "The Omen" feared it. An air bubble entering your blood stream can stop your heart.

"Don't think to much on this," Dr. Cox said. "You did some amazing things over these past few weeks and it was her own fault..."

"I still don't like hearing it."

"She was never going to walk out of here, she's not like the patient I had years ago." I looked at Dr. Cox, he was finally opening up to me. "I had one come through years ago, a guy. He was pretty messed up, bran damage had already started. He wanted to get better and he did. I doubt that kid even remembers who I am anymore."

I stared straight ahead, all of the memories I had lost those years ago were flooding back. The intern, the nurse, the murder. What I'd done, what I'd said, who I was...

Dr. Cox stood up to leave the room. "You proved me wrong," he said, looking at me once more. "You are somebody."

* * *

**_John stood outside his room looking better than ever before. His brown hair had grown out, pushing the blonde away. His face was fuller and he had a genuine smile on his face. He was wearing a pair of tight girls jeans and a very small shirt._**

**_"What..." Perry started to ask._**

**_"I didn't have any of my own clothes here, so Carla gave these to me." The man said. Perry shook his head and John laughed._**

**_"I knew I'd get better," he said, holding his arms out and doing a turn. "And look good!"_**

**_The two stood in silence. John stared at Perry and smiled. "Thanks."_**

**_Perry shook his head. "No, that was all you, all I did was tell you how horrible of a person you were."_**

**_"That's why I said thanks, you helped me that way. I didn't realize how wrong I was until you told me. Thanks for laying it all out like that," John leaned against the wall and smirked. "I think that's your gift, you're honest. Don't let that go."_**

**_"Only if you promise that I won't have to see you in here again."_**

**_John pushed himself from the wall. "No can do," Perry looked taken aback. "I'm not talking about drugs, I think I'm going to become a doctor, I want to help someone like you helped me."_**

**_Perry and John stared at each other before simultaneously saying, "By telling them how horrible of a person they are."_**

**_"Next time I see you I'll have your job, Cock." John said, walking backwards down the hall._**

**_Perry rolled his eyes. "Just call me PC." John smiled._**

**_"Fine, you call me JD," and after saying that a man pushing a gurny ran the newly recovered patient into a wall. "I'm good!"_**

**_PC and Carla watched as the boy stood up and shook dust off before leaving. Carla smiled at PC. "He's not a monster anymore."_**

**_"Yeah, and I do think he'll be in my place someday. He had that spark."_**

**_

* * *

_**

I watched through the door as my memory of the past faded into the present. My walking out the door transformed into a gurney being pushed to the morgue, Carla and PC turned into their older selves, distance being purposefully kept between the two but the old hint of friendship still fresh between them, the old interns faded away and were replaced by Elliot spazzing over a patient and Doug wondering if his patient died or if he just set off the monitor by tripping over the cord.

I stood and walked through the daily hustle of the hospital. Everything was different now. I wasn't just John Dorian, doctor. People were going to look at me and think John Dorian, recovering drug addict. I help a hand to my head and walked to the lockers to get my jacet. Eyes followed me from every direction, whispers closed in.

Turk waved at me, just like always. Carla leaned over the desk to try and gossip with me about the new doctor Elliot had been eye-balling, and Dr. Cox whistled, calling me Suzie Q.

I ignored everything and walked to the door, my fingers wrapped around a little plastic tube in my pocket.

I had some past memories that needed to be destroyed...

End

Author's Rant: It's over! Part 1 at least, yep there WILL be a part 2. Hope you all liked it and I hope you all will like part 2 as well. So review please, it's over!


End file.
